101 things to be cynical about Metallica
1. The production quality on Kill'em All.
2. James' high pitched Dave Mustaine like vocals on Kill'em All.
3. James' vocals being soaked in delay on Kill'em All.
4. Dave Mustaine being kicked out of Metallica and being replaced by Kirk Hammett.
5. Kirk Hammett using 10% of Dave's solo's on Kill'em All, which makes him eternally a plaguarist.
6. Metallica using some songs that Dave Mustaine wrote, which makes them eternally plaguarists.
7. The clean bridge of Phantom Lord, the definintive moment that Metallica were no longer metal and sold out.
8. The soldier march at the end of Metal Militia.
9. Fade to Black is a ballad, which is SOOOOO not metal, dude!
10. Escape being in a major key, which is SOOOOO not metal, dude!.
11. The laughter at the end of Master of Puppets.
12. Metallica's tour bus driver in Sweden in 1986.
13. Black Ice on Swedish roads.
14. Metallica continuing on after the death of Cliff Burton.
15. Jason Newsted.
16. Jason Newsted using a pick to play the bass.
17. The Hazing of Jason Newsted.
18. The Lack of Bass on ...And Justice for All.
19. The sound of Lars' snare on AJFA.
20. Too many solos on AJFA.
21. AJFA being too repetitive.
22. Making a music video for "One" which is SOOOOO MTV sellout dude!
23. Lars ability to play Dyer's Eve.
24. Bob Rock.
25. Metallica being popular, mainstream, radio friendly, because it's SOOOOO not metal to be popular.
26. The Black Album being too shiny and overproduced.
27. Enter Sandman being overplayed on the radio.
28. People who only know one song from Metallica being Enter Sandman.
29. Nothing Else Matters being a song for pussies...... mother fucker!
30. Michael Kaman's contribution to Nothing Else Matters.
31. Not enough time signature changes on the black album.
32. 'Live Shit' only being on NTSC video.
33. Wayne Isham's blurry and slow-motion style of directing.
34. Where's the double kick, dude!
35. Load and ReLoad not being heavier enough, dude!
36. James' yodeling on the Loads.
37. DUDE! The bpm is not over 200! Whats happening?
38. Metallica cutting their hair.
39. The "Gay" photo's in the load booklet.
40. Kirk's overuse of wah.
41. Mama Said. Errr country!?! It must blow. i'll skip this track.
42. A voila and a Hurdy Gurdy!?! They blow dude!
43. The Talk Box Solo in the house that jack built.
44. Kirk Hammett using slide guitar. Dude, that's SOOOOO not metal.
45. Metallica tuning everything at least half-step down. A true sign that metallica are too lazy to make heavy stuff in E-standard.
46. The front cover of the Load's being not metal cliche enough!
47. Metallica arn't supposed to look trendy!?!?
48. Marianne Faithful's whyning on The Memory Remains.
49. Unforgiven II not being as good as the Unforgiven.
50. I waited 5 years for THIS!
51. I don't a have a B-bender?! How the fuck am i supposed to be able to play Ronnnie and Unforgiven II.
52. Kirk playing mostly everything in E-minor pentatonic.
53. Disc I isn't as metal as Disc II on Garage.Inc, so it must blow.
54. A Symphony what?
55. Marc Shapiro not being nowhere as talented as Jordan Rudess.
56. The middle aged Indian fan clapping to the Memory Remains during the 'na naaaa naa naa' part in the S&M video.
57. Metallica making a song for a movie soundtrack.
58. Single coil bridge pickups are SOOO not metal. Especially if they are on a sea-foam green fender stratocaster. It's gotta be EMG's, dude!
59. Lars Ulrich's case against Napster.
60. The Playboy interviews. I turned the page and found myself jerking off to a Metallica interview, dude?
61. Jason Newsted leaving Metallica.
64. The rumours surrounding the new bass player.
65. Bob Rock playing bass on St.Anger.
66. Robert Trujillo having a Nu-metal style stance.
67. Robert Trujillo having braids. Which is nu-metal.
68. Robert Trujillo playing his bass too low to the ground. Which also nu-metal.
69. Lars cutting his potential mullet and peroxiding and looking like Eminem.
70. Lars drinking too much Diet Coke and Lemon.
71. The size of Lars' head.
72. James' glasses.
73. Kirk getting more tanned everytime he goes out and surfs.
74. Kirk's childish and high-pitched soft voice.
75. James wailing too much on Metallica albums; "Yehhhhhhhhhhhh" "Woahhhhhhhh" "HA HA" "Noooooooooo!"
76. Kirk's hair getting thin on top.
77. Lar's reciding hairline.
78. Metallica looking old when they are old.
79. Jump in the Studio not updating every ten minutes.
80. But I want the new album NOW!!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
81. The identity of Fixxxer.
82. Lar's new snare sound.
83. James using a seven-string guitar, that's SOOOOO nu-metal dude.
84. Metallica adopting drop tuning's, which means they have gone nu-metal.
85. Lars' classic obnoxious attitude.
86. Lars' habit of eating while talking to a camera at the same time.
87. The Line-up of bands playing at MTV-icon.
88. The supports acts for Metallica at the summer sanitarium tour.
89. Kirk Hammett being an infinitley un-talented guitar player compared to the likes of Jason Becker, John Petrucci and Marty Friedman.
90. Lars Ulrich being an infinitley un-talented drummer player compared to the likes of Mike Portney and Virgil Donati.
91. St.Anger not being as good as Master of Puppets or AJFA.
92. St.Anger being too repetitive.
93. No solo's!?! What's kirk gonna do now?
94. The front cover of St.Anger loking too cartoonish and not metal cliche enough. Also looking too similar to Sepultura's Nation album.
95. People who only like Metallica's first four albums.
96. People who bash the loads.
97. People who like the loads.
99. People who register on Metallicabb for the sole reason of bashing Metallica.
100. People who think Metallica arn't metal in comparison to the likes of bands such as Disgorge, Cannibal Corpse, Opeth, In Flames, Soilwork, Children of Bodem, Napalm Death and Cryptopsy.
101. People who make lists on the Metallica Message Board entitled 101 things to be cynical about Metallica....
If I could have my wasted days back / I'd use them to get back on track / Try to warn karmas burning,
Moved ahead but keep on turning / Do I have the strength / Or do I let go / Can't fight it inside / Do what I should have known / Can I have my wasted days back / I'll use them to get back on track / You live it, you lie it / You live it, or die it / My lifestyle determines my deathstyle, / My lifestyle determines my deathstyle / Keep searching, / Keep on searching / ....the search goes on / ....the search goes on / Keep searching / Keep on searching